amber flickr photos
345 wall, the
bitchinville
broochtastic noise
comissioner coat
furnace, the
inbetween
intermeddler
matters of little...
melancolin...
oh, bitter dicta
raefried beans
red elephant
sherrying
worldwide starlets...

   07/01/2003 - 07/31/2003
   08/01/2003 - 08/31/2003
   09/01/2003 - 09/30/2003
   10/01/2003 - 10/31/2003
   11/01/2003 - 11/30/2003
   12/01/2003 - 12/31/2003
   01/01/2004 - 01/31/2004
   02/01/2004 - 02/29/2004
   03/01/2004 - 03/31/2004
   04/01/2004 - 04/30/2004
   05/01/2004 - 05/31/2004
   06/01/2004 - 06/30/2004
   07/01/2004 - 07/31/2004
   08/01/2004 - 08/31/2004
   09/01/2004 - 09/30/2004
   10/01/2004 - 10/31/2004
   11/01/2004 - 11/30/2004
   12/01/2004 - 12/31/2004
   01/01/2005 - 01/31/2005
   02/01/2005 - 02/28/2005
   03/01/2005 - 03/31/2005
   04/01/2005 - 04/30/2005
   05/01/2005 - 05/31/2005
   06/01/2005 - 06/30/2005
   07/01/2005 - 07/31/2005
   08/01/2005 - 08/31/2005
   09/01/2005 - 09/30/2005


"No two people are not on fire"
and other things to see and know.
renegadelemonade.com  |  amber@renegadelemonade.com

Tuesday, November 30, 2004
resignation toll
Colin Powell: Secretary of State
John Ashcroft: Attorney General
Ann Veneman: Agriculture Secretary
Rod Paige: Education Secretary
Spencer Abraham: Energy Secretary
Tom Ridge: Homeland Security Secretary
Tommy Thompson: Health and Human Services Secretary
Donald L. Evans: Commerce Secretary

am I missing anyone?
I'm impressed at the show of backbone, if that's what it is.

// posted by Amber @ 3:25 PM

Monday, November 29, 2004
again
tomorrow morning Mercury turns retrograde until, like, December 20th, so we should all get it while the gettings easier to be gotten. Or something. The apparent "Benefits of Mercury Retrograde." New perspective good.

// posted by Amber @ 2:26 PM

Sunday, November 28, 2004
centralization at the source & iPods can be very disappointing
I wake up every morning wanting to hear something. Right now it's Dr. John's 'Mood Indigo', Nina Simone's 'Love Me or Leave Me' and assorted Elliott Smith songs. The former and latter are both located on the iPod while the other I only have on vinyl. Too bad the iPod's been acting like a lil bitch lately. It will sometimes play for days without a hitch but always, in the end, it freezes and refuses to work at some random moment and getting it going again is mostly a waiting game. Judging from the results I get on google about this, this is not a terribly rare phenomenon. I need all my music in one central place and for that place to not have random bouts of dysfunctionality.

// posted by Amber @ 1:57 PM

Friday, November 26, 2004
some thoughts. and pictures. perseverance can yield defecit.
a notable trend: when little babies cry, adults often say to them "yes baby, living in this world is difficult, isn't it?"

One of the most challenging things is to respect yourself while also standing up for yourself. A legitimate and reasonable form of self-defense often offends, and it is generally far more acceptable to others for you to swallow any negative feelings. The problem with this is that all of that unreleased negative energy turns ugly fast, resulting in any number of hideous conditions from illness to intense and seemingly spontaneous outbursts. I'd rather just get it out in the first place. As mom said, I shoot from the hip. I consider this a good thing. Direct is good. And, for the record, direct does not include harsh and inconsiderate.

My problem of late has more to do with balance and prioritizing. I make a lot of lists and accomplish many of the things on them, but somehow a lot of my productivity ends up having a disjointed and non-cohesive feeling. Probably because many of the things done have nothing to do with each other so it's a constant shifting of gears. There's a lot of mental loose ends to tie up in the end and quieting the mind becomes an absolute necessity. As a result, I've been stretching a lot and have gotten my body to be very nearly as flexible and limber as it was when I used to pay more energy to such things. It feels good living in a form like this, but the end result is only a by-product of the best part, which is the time, energy and follow-through to care for the self in such a constructive way. But still, there are some loose ends left, wisping out here and there. It's hard to let go of the rest and focus on one thing at a time because I care deeply about the things and people that I care about. I cannot embrace the meaningless. I want everyone and everything to be well all the time and I am naturally inclined to exert a whole lot of myself towards this. My brand of repression is denying myself because I am too preoccupied with external things. Needing to be both more assertive and less assertive at the same time.




// posted by Amber @ 1:14 PM

Wednesday, November 24, 2004
a year ago
I was looking for some Thanksgiving photos from last year but didn't find any. Instead I found these other photos which are all from approximately a year ago. Looking through them I was again astounded at how quickly a year goes by these days.





// posted by Amber @ 5:49 PM

Tuesday, November 23, 2004
more with a pen

It seems my hand flows best when I'm in stressed and depressed mode; but not so remarkable because such forms of creative inspiration are nothing new. I apologize for any antisocial or unresponsive behavior on my part of late. Worrying or taking it personally are not allowed.

// posted by Amber @ 1:03 AM

Monday, November 22, 2004
your ass is mine
This year everybody's getting customized underwear for Xmas.

// posted by Amber @ 1:28 AM

Saturday, November 20, 2004
nicotinus interruptus
36 hours without a cigarette. DIFFICULT! Especially because I've been sitting here for the past few hours, typing typing typing, coding coding coding, trying to get a bunch of work done. Smoking usually eases the pain. Soon I will probably start shoving random objects in my mouth.

rock and roll baby montage
Friday was a day of firsts for the sweet little 3-week old man, Caleb: first subway ride, first time meeting uncle Colin, first time meeting Sherry (and many others), first art opening, first time in manhattan, first time in a cab...

...and baby met a drag queen who was also meant to be named Caleb but in his(her) illiterate southern town it was misspelled on the birth certificate as 'Kalup' so that's the name.





Donovan and the Beach Boys are examples of baby music. This is just general truth. These artists soothe babies past and present. They are in some of my earliest music memories (and the Beatles too) and Caleb responds well. In addition to these baby standards, so far it seems he enjoys The Fall, Scene Creamers and Led Zeppelin. He seemed so happy dancing with me and singing along to Houses of the Holy. Whenever I ever have a baby, we're going to sing and dance all the time and they'd better love it.

// posted by Amber @ 11:36 PM

Wednesday, November 17, 2004
we(t) (p)taint
I can't decide if Bob Jones III should make me laugh (at him) or wretch.
The letter he wrote to GW congratulating him on "winning" the election is comical in its provinciality but also terrifying.
"In your re-election, God has graciously granted America—though she doesn't deserve it—a reprieve from the agenda of paganism."

In other events, friend and client Richard requested that I do some very entertaining photoshopping for him:



I found this in the lobby of my building recently after some painting was done.

Are the days of the standard white "wet paint" signs with red lettering over?

And is the guy in the picture
(a) proud of his work
(b) sick of posing with brush in hand
(c) going to backhand us with the brush if we touch the wet paint?

// posted by Amber @ 1:03 PM

Monday, November 15, 2004
blah blah blah
the colder weather and increasing darkness and feeling of disconnect from the rest of the world is severely depressing me. Yesterday I bought some new clothes and that made me feel better for a little while. One of them was this snowsuit thing which is like something David Bowie (back in the day) or Marc Bolan would have worn, had they been skiers.

// posted by Amber @ 4:50 PM

Sunday, November 14, 2004
action and osmosis
some things I've been wanting to do and learn, as jotted down in the notebook:
- be able to recognize the major rhythms and tempos (samba, polka, bossanova, merengue, etc.)
-know all the jazz standards as though it were a science. I know a bunch now but not enough. All!
-know all eras of classical music and composers and be able to identify them immediately. I'm allright at it now, but need work.
-make sure I always have many good varieties of tea so I drink something other than chamomile or peppermint all day
-document things I intend to do more frequently

// posted by Amber @ 2:12 AM

Saturday, November 13, 2004
inner plant life
This is the sad time of year where my outdoor plants begin their death process. I try to bring them in at night for warmth, yet I also recognize that this just puts off the inevitable. I provide a variety of life support which is clearly only temporarily effective. It's just too cold outdoors but they don't get ample light infoors. It's such sorrow to witness their deaths after caring for them tenderly since spring. And, when all is said and done, I'll have to dump their little plant carcasses in the trash, tears in my eyes; and each time I look at any of the windowsills where they once lived, the barren cement will only be a reminder. Oh, boo hoo.

One day I will live in an adapted greenhouse, as is my dream, with tons of plants that I can keep alive perennially, and few to no animals.
Lots of Love,
Amber, the bleeding heart (should-be) horticulturalist

// posted by Amber @ 11:37 AM

Tuesday, November 09, 2004
occupying and current
Because I need more to think about (sarcasm), today I went to the library and took out a book of Sartre essays on Existentialism and Nina Simone's autobiography. But first I have to finish the Murakami book that I didn't realize I hadn't read (Hard Boiled Wonderland...). So far it's great but a bit of a mindfuck in it's dual plotline. Musically my current favorites are the BeeGees 1st (half forgotten Beatles album, half great psych rock) and the Supergrass song 'Moving' (which I ordered the 7" of from the UK because, of course, it's not available on vinyl in the U.S.). Besides that, I have work to do which I don't much feel like doing and there is a new policy in the building to give us less heat so I'm cold.

// posted by Amber @ 4:39 PM

Sunday, November 07, 2004
rare political and personal content
Generally, I'm not interested in discussing the travesty of the recent election and the demise of any semblance of a feeling of democracy in the U.S., etc. It's just too depressing and until something occurs that has the potential to remedy things, it just doesn't seem worth it. Still, I appreciated receiving a link to the following article from Merry the other day. Regardless of whether I believe in the information in this article, it seems par for the course that such pieces be written and distributed (if only to highlight the need to maintain awareness that injustices abound). I don't doubt that there was election fraud or that Kerry may have rightfully won. I just don't know enough at this point and thinking about it makes me weary.

More than the presidential administration of the next 4 years and the ratio of dems to repubs in congress, the issue of supreme court justice appointments is by far the biggest issue on our plates. Unfortunately I'm not hearing as much noise about this relative to the other issues. It is extremely likely that bush will have the opportunity to appoint 2-3 new justices during his next term and, as we all know, terms for justices are life-long. While the other issues are also quite serious, this is the one that is likely to endure throughout the rest of our lives.

It appears to be increasingly common for jurisdiction within this country to be inspired by christian ideals. The separation of church and state thingie is history, as those with fundamentalist beliefs seem to be winning the battle of spin and (possibly fabricated) numbers.

One of the issues on the administrations' long-term agenda is to have the the Roe v. Wade decision reversed but it is likely that they will go about this in a gradual manner. From what I'm hearing, first on the agenda is to require parental permission for teenage abortions. Semi-recently I was in a cab listening to a talk radio broadcast where a major topic of discussion was the goal of many staunch conservatives' to outlaw the birth control pill, somehow construing it as a form of early abortion. This scared the shit out of me.

Although I generally avoid posting personal content in this blog, I believe it's important to address make public those personal issues that pertain to our political freedom.

Several weeks ago I felt eligible for the morning after pill. I figured I'd call my doc and he'd prescribe it, but first, to educate myself, I googled it. I hadn't realized it was so controversial! It prevents conception, just like any contraceptive. What's the big deal? But the conservatives are trying to do away with it's availability, claiming that it inspires an increase in unprotected sex and that its functions may constitute abortion. The former notion removes personal responsibility from the equation, while the latter is just bunk.

A phone call to doc and an hour or so later I was at the pharmacy picking up the two tiny pills and forking over $45. No big deal. I popped one of the pills out of the casing on my walk home and swallowed it. Moments later the unlikely occasion that if pregnant I would want to keep the baby popped into mind. I opened up the vast literature that accompanied the pills to see what affect they would have on an already conceived fetus/embryo/baby. Apparently they would have no effect. An already pregnant woman taking the morning after pill would not harm the baby-potential inside of her whatesoever.

Another concern I had is that the pills would make me feel ill. No dice. I felt pretty much allright. Slightly nauseous but no big deal.

Since it will not harm an existing fetus/embryo/baby, the morning after pill is OBVIOUSLY not akin to abortion. I need to make this clear because, had I not had occasion to take such pills, I would not have known this definitively either.

So again I ask: what's the big deal? Why the controversy? Trying to do away with contraception isn't merely christian: it's severe and catholic! What are we becoming?

the matrix
Today Rahmin rented the Matrix 1 and 2. Although I've never (including today) had the desire to pay attention to these films the whole way through, I think I've summed up their basic point into a few words: kinetic energy is technically equal to potential energy and actual and potential are actually the same thing when you get right down to it.
And the cliche of: maybe the reality we think we know is not actually what "is".
Oh, and, Keanu Reeves is a bad actor.

// posted by Amber @ 11:06 PM

baby dollies


// posted by Amber @ 11:48 AM

Saturday, November 06, 2004
an orgy of audiophilic bliss & the number 15
Yesterday was music mecca. I bought 15 records at the WMFU record fair and also temporarily housed 15 of Gabe's CDs to even the score with a similar increase digital music quantity. A lot of the records I got are crowd-pleasers but also me-pleasers because I feel I need more of what the kids wanna hear. Some highlights:
What's your Fantasy: Ludacris
Mo Money Mo Problems: Biggie (w/ Puffy & Mase)
Blank Generation: Richard Hell & the Voidoids
I'm Afraid of Americans: David Bowie (and Trent Reznor sort of)
The BeeGee's 1st (really good. You'd never know it was the BeeGees.)
...and some other things that are more my usual speed like Cabaret Voltaire's: Here to Go and T. Rex's: Dandy in the Underworld.

As for CDs, a lot of stuff I'd probably have already if I ever bought CDs anymore.
Hopefully these will keep me occupied for awhile.
I'm considering returning to the record fair tomorrow. Because it's annual now rather than bi-annual and because records are addictive.

// posted by Amber @ 1:11 PM

Wednesday, November 03, 2004
renegade red white and blue
Only 1 in 10 of 18-24 year olds voted.
They were all too busy sniffing glue to take 5 minutes to go and vote.
I blame this demographic group. I need to blame someone.
I actually found the election stuff on Mtv to be rather compelling at times. Maybe 18-24 is too old for Mtv.
Maybe the repubs will reinstate the draft and then they'll all be sorry.
I hate this shit.
Watching the results come in was like watching a big red bloodstain grow from the middle of the country outward.

My election day fashion statement. The red white and blue should be obvious. To make the rest absolutely apparent: the devil is to symbolize the evil while the sweatpants refer to the complacency.

http://static.vidvote.com/movies/bushuncensored.mov

// posted by Amber @ 9:38 AM

Tuesday, November 02, 2004
wrong election
...but still, the Bear Ad is quite intense.

more babies

finally, a picture of Katy and Phil's baby. He looks so alert!

// posted by Amber @ 9:46 AM

Monday, November 01, 2004
how ya like dem pumpkins
The AdAge Group interactive department Halloween pumpkin:

...so cool, yet they didn't even win the contest.

the view from across the world
according to a poll on aljazeera.net, 55% say that Kerry is going to win vs. 35% Bush. Hmmm. Over 60000 people are said to have participated in this poll.

// posted by Amber @ 4:47 PM

halloween to look at







// posted by Amber @ 1:23 AM